SKATING

It's winter and there is nothing that brings me more cheer than seeing a professional ice skater fall hard while performing a three and a half somersault or whatever it is they do. It's that beautiful train wreck you can't take your eyes off. And the collective gasps from 10,000 people in the audience is the lip smacking icing on the cake. Sheer joy.

And while you are here, please join me in my petition to get "synchronised swimming" out of the olympics. It is a total bogus sport.

A FEW ABBREVIATIONS

Many of my imaginary fans have requested that I put a list of my favorite abbreviations. So here goes. In no particular order. But proceed with caution- some of them are racy.

W.H.O- World Health Organization.
UNICEF- United Nations International Childrens Emergency Fund.
BOMBAY- Both Of My Balls Are Yours.
CHINA- Cunt Hunting In North America. or Chilli Hanging In Nambiar's Ass.
AFRICA- After Fucking Rest in Cool Air.
USA- Under Skirt Adventures.
JAPAN- Jump And Pump All Night.
PARIS- Principal Allows Raping In School.
LUFTHANSA (a toughie)- Let Us Fuck The Hostess As No one Sexy Around.
IMF- International Monetary Fund.
PUNE- Please Use Nirodh Everyday.

I know there is one for Qantas, but I cant seem to remember it.

And don't ever tell me that Abbreviation is a long word you Oxymoron.

MY FIRST SPAM MAIL

I remember this vividly. It was the August of 1998. I had just signed up for lycos mail and within weeks I got my first spam mail. It was a terse, simple almost poetic spam and it went like this -
FOR SEXING ME, CALL 23142431. Love, Vanipriya.

I remember such things.

BTW that number didn't work.

LET'S PLAY A GAME

It's a simple game. It's called "I have never." Essentially one person starts and say for example, goes "I have never eaten a slice of bread with Iodex on it." Now, if someone else playing has actually done this, then the person (who said he/she has never eaten a slice of bread with Iodex on it) has to chug his/her beer or down a shot. Comprende? Ok here goes.

"I HAVE NEVER WANKED OFF TO HEMA MALINI."

Ok your turn.

ACTUALLY GENIUS IS...

98% Perspiration, 1% inspiration and 3% math skills.

I have this recurring dream. I fail my 10th grade math exam by 4 marks. I even turn my paper in for a revaluation only to fail by 2 marks. I wake up drenched in sweat. And then I think about sweet sweet Kanakalatha- the math teacher. I'm 29 years old.

TRAVELING

What sort of society do we live when a tax paying man can't even carry a big bottle of Vaseline with him on board a plane? I mean its a back breaking, funky smelling 22 hr journey to India. Can't a man be entitled to some pleasure? Sick I tell you. Sick.

UNCLE CHIPS

The main difference between the US and India is simply this- chips get soft quicker in India than here. For that I'll be ever grateful to this country. Jai USA!

I said it

I have a blog now. And so I'm better than you. Far better. That means you dafna.