Word to your mother

The most popular word on the blogosphere is "digress." Reasearch shows that every blogger worth his or her salt has used the word "digress" at least 5 times in the last month. But i digress. This post is really about porno movies and an important decision I recently made. From April 1st 2008, I'm only going to watch movies that have inspired a porno film. For instance "Big trouble in Little China" and it's porno cousin "Big trouble in little vagina" or "Indiana Jones and the temple of doom" that inspired "In Diana Jones and the temple of poon" and my favorite "Chitty Chitty bang bang" and it's lesbolicious twin "Shitty shitty gang bang." Because, c'mon, that's the only way to differntiate the milk from the paneer, the wheat from the chaff, rosie o' donnell from the andhra pradesh women's kho-kho team.

R E D U X O 2300

Why should only people with tiny penises have all the fun and get spammed? Fuck that noise. Here is something revolutionary for the well endowed male- the penis reduction spams. Don't just take my word for it. Look what people like you and me are saying.

John, Scotsdale, AZ.
Before the Reduxo 2300, I couldn't eat at Applebees in my bicycle shorts without an annoying kid pointing at my ginormous cock. But now I'm comfortable wherever I go cos I'm normal. Thank you Reduxo 2300.

Alicia, Richmond, CA
My husband had a huge schlong. Like 12 inches long. Most nights he'd be so stunned looking at his own cock that he would do just that- look at his own cock. All night. But Reduxo 2300 saved my marriage. He now has a 6 inch weiner. He also spoke his first words- da da.

Raymond, Aligarh, UP
I have an identical twin. We are the same in many ways except I have a much bigger dick than him. Way bigger. but after discovering Reduxo 2300, we are exactly the same. In fact even his wife can't notice the difference. thank you 2300!

See, I'm all for the environment

I dropped a deuce yesterday and it was spectacular. well if you ask me, it always feels good. But this one was special. Perfect even. And I didn't even have to do a thing. It was like the turd had a mind of its own and knew what it was doing. It was like it was telling me "dude you go ahead and keep staring at that tile, I'll leave without you even noticing me and you know what, I'll even do the bed before i leave." And it gets better. You see this turd came out with such minimum fuss, that I hardly used much toilet paper, thereby consuming less and doing my bit for the environment.

And now you can help save planet earth by eating exactly what I ate that day.

Breakfast: 2 bananas. Glass of milk (just like phantom! fuck yeah)
Lunch: quiznos veggie delight sandwich- medium
Dinner: 2 boiled eggs, rice, rajma and dahi.

You are welcome mother nature.

There are no Debonair "Pet of the month"

I still have an old issue of Debonair. The May 1994 issue. This I saved along with my 10th std conduct certificate and my distinctive merit in the Math Talent test. Many of you who have jacked off to Debonair may recall that every issue usually had 3 women showing their boobies (and boobies alone) with one centerspread. Many of you may also recall that most of these women either had a veil, a dupatta or a paper bag covering their faces. For a long time I thought this had to do with the societal pressures - imagine your family finding out that you posed for debonair back then. I thought such women would either be chastised or sent to Delhi University. But having thought long and hard about it, I've come to this very important conclusion and it has nothing to do with the close minded indian society. It has to do with this cold hard fact- the chicks in debonair were ugly. Yep.

So its been a while

And to celebrate my absence I thought I should put together a list of some of the top tunes we all danced to. And yes you danced to these puthiya p.

1. It's my life- Dr. Alban.
2. Coco Jumbo- Mr. President.
3. Mr. Vain- Culture Beat.
4. Anything by 2 Unlimited- they all sounded the same.
5. Where do you go?- No Mercy.
7. Reggae gone Ragga- Dr. Alban.
8. Cotton Eye Joe- Rednex.
9. Venga Bus- Venga Boys.
10. Blue- Eiffel 59. After Taxes it's Eiffel 65 give or take.
11. Sandstorm- Darude.

I challenge anyone to dispute this list. man to man. or woman. oh wait, no one reads my blog. I go cry now.

SKATING

It's winter and there is nothing that brings me more cheer than seeing a professional ice skater fall hard while performing a three and a half somersault or whatever it is they do. It's that beautiful train wreck you can't take your eyes off. And the collective gasps from 10,000 people in the audience is the lip smacking icing on the cake. Sheer joy.

And while you are here, please join me in my petition to get "synchronised swimming" out of the olympics. It is a total bogus sport.

A FEW ABBREVIATIONS

Many of my imaginary fans have requested that I put a list of my favorite abbreviations. So here goes. In no particular order. But proceed with caution- some of them are racy.

W.H.O- World Health Organization.
UNICEF- United Nations International Childrens Emergency Fund.
BOMBAY- Both Of My Balls Are Yours.
CHINA- Cunt Hunting In North America. or Chilli Hanging In Nambiar's Ass.
AFRICA- After Fucking Rest in Cool Air.
USA- Under Skirt Adventures.
JAPAN- Jump And Pump All Night.
PARIS- Principal Allows Raping In School.
LUFTHANSA (a toughie)- Let Us Fuck The Hostess As No one Sexy Around.
IMF- International Monetary Fund.
PUNE- Please Use Nirodh Everyday.

I know there is one for Qantas, but I cant seem to remember it.

And don't ever tell me that Abbreviation is a long word you Oxymoron.